Had a long chat with an old friend of mine. We studied B.Com together in University of Delhi. She seemed quite messed up. She is almost 30 years old now, and is worried because she can’t find a nice man to marry. Her parents and friends have arranged several meetings with boys, but she couldn’t finalise even one. She says that she must’ve met more than two hundred boys by now.She rejected the last couple of boys she met, but mostly boys reject her because she has dark skin (yeah its a thing in India). Anyway, I asked her that what was she looking in a boy? And she goes like, “I want to marry someone……………..” she goes blank for some moments and then says “……someone who has a nice job, earns good money, lives with his family, family must own the house they live in, or if not, at least a car….” and so on.
Never in this conversation she mentions ‘love’ in her long list of requirements. I asked her that why is it that you didn’t say anything about love. Then she says, “.. oh yeah! that too. He must love me.”
I feel flabbergasted at how we have given importance to things other than love, even in personal relationships. A relationship that is supposed to be built purely on love is being built on the size of cars and houses that you own.
I asked her again, “don’t you want a partner who you understand and one who understands you.” She immediately retracts from her previous statement and says, “Well actually I want a partner who is like a friend to me. With whom I can share any part of my life and he understands. He should also be the same to me.”
This puzzles me, does she really know what she wants? Is there a point in running after a thing that you don’t completely feel the need in your life? Does she really want to get married at all? Is it a good idea to pursue something you don’t know you need?
